The Kitchen Musician ~ July 2023
Hello friends,
Songwriting can be a healing thing… like this song I wrote trying to come to peace with a traumatic event that I experienced as a young man. Join me in the kitchen?
Index
NEWS:
THIS MONTH’S MUSIC: “From Brother to Ghost”
UPCOMING SHOWS
FEATURED NON-PROFIT: CDC Mental Health Resources
Parish Center for the Arts, Westford, MA.
Photo © 2023 Dan Tappan
News:
Click image for tickets.
I have a few great shows coming up!
The Burren, Somerville, MA
Thursday, July 20th at 7:00 pm (doors 6:00). I am super excited to share the evening with my daughter Mally Smith. Don’t miss this opportunity to see our “Roots and Branches” show, with special guests Seth Connelly and John Nolan.
Falcon Ridge Folk Festival, Goshen, CT
Thursday, July 27th at 4:00 pm. My first trip to Falcon Ridge Folk Festival. I will be joining some great artist on the pre-festival Thursday stage.
First Church, Dedham, MA
Friday Oct. 20th at 7:00 pm I am really pumped to share the evening with Cosy Sheridan at the Friday Folk Coffeehouse at First Church Dedham Unitarian Universalist. Cosy will be joined by Charlie Koch and Seth Connelly with join me.
All show details can be found at upcoming shows.
This Month’s Music:
“From Brother to Ghost”
“From Brother to Ghost”
© 2023 Tom Smith (ASCAP)
Lyrics in comment below.
(The Smith brothers, from left to right: Snuffy, Dale, Tom and Terry. c. 1961)
My older brother Terry was a bit of an enigma – or perhaps more aptly described as a paradox. He liked to hunt yet he loved his pets and other animals. He was a sensitive poet, yet he also presented himself as a kind of small town James Dean in his souped up 1957 Chevy. He graduated from high school among the top academic performers in his class, yet took a night shift job as a bookbinder at Haddon Craftsmen working on the factory floor. Terry was also a very troubled soul – struggling with anxiety and likely depression throughout his adolescence. I always assumed that this was the main reason why his application to become a Catholic Franciscan friar was rejected. Like all brothers I suppose, we competed in the 1960’s social order of rural Pennsylvania, and I confess that I frequently felt like I had to look away, embarrassed by my brother’s “quirkiness.”
On Christmas day in 1965, I was sixteen years old and Terry was eighteen. I took the phone call from the local police. Terry’s sudden and tragic death has been a trauma that I have tried to ignore for fifty eight years. Questions still remain about the details.
Years ago I tried to write a song or a poem as a private exercise to help understand that trauma and how it has reeked emotional havoc at various times in my life. I worked at it from time to time, but always set it aside over lack of progress. Gratefully, several songwriting superstars nudged me back into action.
It took another year, but workshops with Cosy Sheridan, Eliza Gilkyson and Susan Cattaneo helped me to shape a song I am willing to share. Another major inspiration to give this song more effort came from the private messages I got from other participants in these feedback sessions. Many wrote about how the topic resonated with their own personal experiences.
As always, thank you for listening.
Steady on!
Tom
(If so inclined, I invite you to leave a comment by scrolling to the end of this page.)
Featured Non-profit
CDC Mental Health Resources: Seeking Help
For obvious reasons, we are experiencing an unprecedented amount of stress. If you or a loved one find it difficult to cope, I encourage you to ask for help. If you are in the United States, these free and confidential resources from the CDC are a good place to start. Outside the US, please find your local mental health organization.
Tom
July 11, 2023From Brother to Ghost
© 2023 Tom Smith (ASCAP)
Awake at midnight from a fitful sleep
The echo of a dream that’s on repeat
Is that you? Is that you?
That pea green Chevy and your jaded laugh
(You chose) Dylan Thomas for your epitaph
Yes that’s you. Yes that’s you.
I’ll take what you can give me
I’ll play the humble host
You did not go gently, Brother
… from brother to ghost
Uncertain if I want you close or not
Some days I don’t give you a second thought
Is that you? Is that you?
A Pocket Fisherman in your glove box
With a Holy Bible and a paradox
Yes that’s you. Yes that’s you.
I’ll take what you can give me
I’ll play the humble host
You did not go gently, Brother
… from brother to ghost
It was an accident on Highway Six
When you earned your roadside crucifix
Is that true? Is that true?
That was your key to open heaven’s gate
In 1965, on Christmas Day
Yes, that’s true. I know that’s true.
Now I take what you can give me
I play the humble host
You did not go gently, Brother
I take what you can give me
I play the humble host
You’ll always be with me, Brother
… from brother to ghost
Is that you?
Anne Sandstrom
July 12, 2023You’ve achieved something extraordinary here, Tom. The song is heartfelt without being overly sentimental. It’s very carefully crafted, but feels spontaneous. It’s a perfect tribute that is honest and affectionate. I never knew this about your past history and I hope writing and singing this amazing song will bring you peace.
In admiration,
Anne
Tom
July 12, 2023Thank you Anne. We are so fortunate to have songwriting as a vital part of our lives. Grateful for your participation in that.
Volkert Volkersz
July 12, 2023On this day when my family is gathered in the Seattle area to remember our sister (and mother to two nieces and one nephew) who passed away a couple of months ago, your song arrives in my email box. I had thought about writing a song for/about her in the days right before and right after her passing, but as I said in a note that was read on my behalf today, that train left the station with her. Having said that, thoughts of her have been with me all day today.
Your song says it eloquently, “Is that you?” While the circumstances are very different, grief has a way of lingering on. In your case, a whole lifetime. I’m moved by the way you returned to give voice to your grief.
Tom
July 12, 2023I am sorry for your loss. It can be especially difficult when you can’t be physically present to share the grief with family in person. Yes, there are some topics that are off limits for a song… but I suggest that timing may have a lot to do with it. When you get some distance from it, there may come a time when you will be inspired to write something for our inspired by your sister. … or maybe not. We all try to make sense of our grief in our own ways.
Deborah
July 12, 2023Hi Tom,
What a magnificent song, worth the long haul it took you to bring it home.
Wish I could make your Burren show. I’m actually in town right now, but will be back in my new home in Asheville by then. Lots of singing opportunities down there. I have a guest bedroom if you ever wanna come down that way. I bet you could get a gig or I could org a house concert.
Best, Deborah
Tom
July 12, 2023Hi Deborah, Great to hear from you. I didn’t realize you were headed to Asheville. I think it will be a good home for you and your songs. Have wanted to visit there for a long time but never took the trip. Will definitely be in touch if I can pull that together down the line. Take care.
Paul Weilage
July 12, 2023Tom It is a very moving and touching song. Well done!
Tom
July 12, 2023Thank you Paul. I don’t think you knew Terry. He died very soon after we moved to Dalton.
Jane Fallon
July 12, 2023Tough song to write, tough to sing, but so essential. This so well coveys the never ending presence of those who left too early in ways we never truly understand. I have written a song for every member of my family who has passed but I never recorded the song I wrote for my little sister who died by suicide at age 23. You have inspired me to do so. I can’t keep pushing it back because it still makes me cry 40 years later. I love the use of the somewhat upbeat rhythm paradoxically supporting the poignant hook. So your brother chose the Thomas poem as his epitaph? So interesting how you integrate it. Thanks for your courage in creating and sharing.
Tom
July 12, 2023Hi Jane, Yes I recall this history about your sister. Very sorry for your loss. I know that her memory must revisit you from time to time in both unwelcome and welcome ways. Is a strange thing. I recall some time ago when we both sang at a fund raiser to raise awareness about suicide awareness and prevention. You probably organized it, if I recall properly. I can’t tell how you may respond to finally getting around to writing that song, but if you do go there, I encourage you to be patient about it. For me, it took a lot of “time and space” between revisions to really get to the heart of the matter. In the end, both the song and the therapy of it were better. Take care.
Dale
July 12, 2023Love you Tom. Thank you.
Tom
July 12, 2023Love you too brother!
Mike Lipchak
July 12, 2023Tom, I met you only four years after this tragedy. But in the few brief years of our friendship at college, you never dropped a single clue of your loss and pain. Instead I only remember your relentless good humor (and musicianship). Thank you for sharing this song! I hope it has brought you some relief.
Best wishes,
Mike
Tom
July 12, 2023Hi Mike. Great to reconnect at John’s last month! Thank you for your kind comment. Yes, I kept that part of my life away from all the guys at school. Ignoring it didn’t help though. Those things have a way of leaking out, so I relied more on the mental health folks at school. They were helpful.
Elaine
July 12, 2023? Oh!
(Catching my breath here…)
Thank you, dear cousin. You did it, this, this such a precious song, remembering Terry.
Guess I would have to say, From Loved One to Ghost.
I also hear myself say, Is that you?
A sigh and a big hug,
Elaine
Tom
July 12, 2023Hi Elaine, We share this history. Grateful you can find something in it for you too. Hugs back. – Tom
Sally
July 12, 2023Tom,
Thanks for taking the courage to share a painful personal experience. I wrote a two page article to help me with a similar experience. I lost my nephew when he was 21. That was 2002.
Tom
July 12, 2023Very sorry for your loss, Sally. I hope writing that article helped you find some closure. We carry on the best we can. ~ Tom
Jon McAuliffe
July 12, 2023From Brother to Ghost. July 11, 2023. Oh, Tom, you have always impressed me as such a careful songwriter, measuring every word, considering every emotion employed therein. Writing about something so very close to your heart, so caught up in your own spirit, isn’t an easy thing. (“Uncertain if I want you close or not”) When we write songs, we weigh a great deal, often challenging our own psyche in the process. Some things are hard enough to enter into a song without being overly conscious about how they impact us and getting them to a point where we can share them with others. Personal things even harder. I did not know Terry, but I do believe he’d be proud to know you’d thought of him with such thoughtfulness and love. Thank you for this, Tom.
Jon
Tom
July 12, 2023I can tell that you listened very deeply, and as one songwriter to another, that is a great gift. Thank you! All you wrote resonates. Writing that song was an exquisite agony that is hard to describe to a non-songwriter.
I hope that your big Martin guitar is getting some exercise. Such fond memories of “the hooligans”. 🙂
Jon McAuliffe
July 13, 2023Ha! My big Martin. Actually, I had it reset for medium gauge strings to get better pickup of its nuances and have sort of neglected it for my Taylor and its lighter gauge strings. Always playing with them.
Jon
Daniel Kelly
July 12, 2023Sorry for your loss Tom, a very sensitive and beautiful song you have written. I hope it has brought you some comfort.
Tom
July 12, 2023Thank you Daniel. It has.
Annie
July 12, 2023Really beautiful product of a difficult time and subject, Tom. Thank you for sharing it with the world.
Tom
July 13, 2023Thanks for listening, Annie.
Ruthann Baler
July 13, 2023Tom, I can FEEL the heartache, longing, and questioning throughout this song — such a terrible loss and trauma for you and your family. If only we had the mental health resources back then that we have today. The fact that you were able to transform your pain into such a powerful song speaks to your brilliance (and tenacity) as an artist. I think it takes a lot of courage to do so. Thank you for sharing this — I believe it will help others heal as well. Love, Ruthann
Tom
July 13, 2023Hi Ruthann,
Great to hear from you. I hope all is well in your house.
Thank you for listening and for your kind comment. Regarding mental health – I guess it is one of those “pay me now or pay me later” things. Have a high respect for the value of taking care of one’s mental health. Be well. Keep singing!
Anne
July 14, 2023well. that was quite a song. wow
Tom
July 14, 2023Hi Anne, Thanks for listening. Had to exhale after writing that one.
Deb Goss
July 15, 2023You dug so deep and set it all so beautifully, I see it inspiring others. Intricately personal, and yet so universal. Thanks for setting such a fine example yet again.
In three weeks, several of our family will gather for a 5-year-Covid-delayed memorial service for a beloved cousin. His was a life filled with misunderstanding and estrangement though, happily, strong connections were re-made with family in his last few years. I anticipate that music, art and poetry will bring us ‘remainders’ a bit closer to a no longer ‘lost’ soul, as well as to each other.
Tom
May 9, 2024Thank you for your kindness, Deb. Grateful that you will be able to gather to honor your cousin’s life. We carry on. – Tom
Cosy Sheridan
July 17, 2023This song is beautiful Tom ! You worked a long time on it, I know – and it was worth every minute of that. A jewel of a song.
Tom
July 17, 2023Thank you, Cosy. And especially thank you for your patient help with it. Love.
Mike Doyle
June 24, 2024Beautiful song Tom. It must be a tough one to sing, but sing it.
Tom
September 2, 2024Thanks for the kind comment, Mike. Music heals.