The Kitchen Musician ~ February 2024
Hello Friends,
I have a serious topic this month – reflecting on the subject of depression, especially from the point of view of those who are trying to support a friend or loved one struggling with despair. Join me in the Kitchen for “The Hurt that You Bury”.
Index
NEWS:
THIS MONTH’S MUSIC: “The Hurt that You Bury”
UPCOMING SHOWS
FEATURED NON-PROFIT: Tunefoolery Music
News:
I have taken a little break from “The Kitchen Musician” over the holidays, with a long term visit by our son Andrew (and wife, five year old son, three year old twin daughters and dog Bousa) from Switzerland, our daughter Mally (and boyfriend) from Scotland, and local daughter Heather (and husband, sixteen year old daughter, twelve year old son and dog Swifty). And a glorious chaos it was! Of course, what is a long-planned holiday in the 2020’s without a case of COVID to deal with? We had that too, with Margo testing positive a couple of days before the family arrived from Europe. She sat “at our dinner table” via Facetime, and chatted via the upstairs bedroom window which faces the back yard. Then finally in person outside with everyone around the fire pit.
I don’t have any major shows coming up, but I am looking forward to a few small gigs – a songwriter showcase at the Union Brew House in Weymouth, MA , an open mic feature set in Francestown, NH, and a return to the beautiful Vokes Theater, Wayland, MA for a showcase at a storytelling event. All details can be found at upcoming show.
This Month’s Music: “The Hurt that You Bury”
© 2024 Tom Smith (ASCAP)
Lyrics in comment below.
TRIGGER WARNING: This blog post and song mention bullying, depression, and suicide. It may not be appropriate for some audiences.
If you or someone you know is experiencing major depression or are suicidal, please contact your physician, go to your local ER, or call the suicide prevention hotline. In the US, you can dial the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 for free, confidential support, 24/7.
I am taking a songwriting workshop this month with the talented Scarlet Keys, Berklee College of Music professor of songwriting and host of the well regarded “What’s in a Song” podcast. Scarlet gave us a free-write assignment based on the prompt, “the things we carry”. In that free-write, I reflected on the experiences of those struggling with depression, and other forms of despair.
As defined by the National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH), “Depression (also known as major depression, major depressive disorder, or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how a person feels, thinks, and handles daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working.” The NIMH estimates that 21 million, or 8.3% of all adults (people aged 18 or older) in the United States, had at least one episode of major depression in 2021. Furthermore, for adolescents aged 12 to 17, an estimated 5.0 million in the United States had at least one major depressive episode. This number represented 20.1% of all adolescents in the US. Anecdotal evidence suggests that these numbers have increased since this data was collected. To put this another way, as you are walking about your daily life, you can expect that 1 out of every 12 adults and 1 out of every 5 adolescents you come in contact with have experienced at least one major depression episode in the past year!
Certainly, with the large number of people who experience depression, there must be far more folks who are struggling with how to support them. I decided that my song would take that point of view.
I was deeply moved by David Brooks’ article in the NY Times, “How Do You Serve a Friend in Despair.” In it, he reflects on his life-long friend Peter Marks who experienced major depression and eventually succumbed to suicide. David Brooks honestly and sensitively discusses his own struggle with how to support a friend or loved one deep in despair. His interview on PBS is well worth the 18 minutes.
Originally aired on February 28, 2023.
Please be kind. It is often impossible to see who is navigating despair, or who is navigating the difficult path of helping those in despair. If you are one of these folks, especially be kind to yourself.
Steady on, friends.
Tom
(If so inclined, I invite you to leave a comment by scrolling to the end of this page.)
Featured Non-profit: Tunefoolery Music
Tunefoolery Music “is a non-profit organization for musicians in mental health recovery. For over 25 years, we have been a community where musicians find purpose and identities as creative performing artists. Our musicians have performed for over 200,000 people (as solo acts or ensembles) at mental health centers, shelters, hospitals, conferences, nursing homes, etc., as well as for the general public. We emphasize our musicians’ strengths and the endless possibilities of healing and recovery.”
“The healing process for people in mental health recovery can be a very painful journey where one’s traumatic experiences and shortcomings often become the focus of the process. In Tunefoolery, we use music, creativity, education, paid work, and a loving community as a way to transform people’s lives and create a foundation to become productive, skilled musicians who can share the gift of music and hope with others.”
Join me in supporting the good work of Tunefoolery Music by booking a Tunefoolery artist, or donating financially.
Tom
February 17, 2024The Hurt that You Bury
© 2024 Tom Smith (ASCAP)
That day you sprained your ankle, as we bolted home from school
I took you on my back just like a pack upon a mule
You laughed when I said “This pack is heavy”
In hindsight, I now can see the irony
They all called you Skinny. They called me Four-eyes
There was no place we could hide
“Hey let’s get that wimpy kid and his nerdy friend”
That’s how it goes when you’re thirteen and different
Sometimes I think the weight that you carry
Is equal to the hurt that you bury
I searched but I failed to find the interrupt
While I watched your wounds grow deeper with each cut
Depression is a monster and a mystery
Why did it swallow you and let me go free?
Sometimes I think the weight that you carry
Is equal to the hurt that you bury
Now you’re so light upon my shoulder as I carry you back home
All your weight was in those nightmares purged from flesh and bone
But that doesn’t give much comfort when there’s love unspent
If only I could spend that love I banked back then
Sometimes I think the weight that we carry
Is equal to the hurt…
Yes it’s equal to the hurt that we bury
Margaret
February 18, 2024Oh Tom, what a thoughtful and profound song. I imagine the chorus thyme being used as a repetitive phrase for the beatific children’s book The Rabbit Listened. Thank you
Tom
March 10, 2024Thank you Margaret. I don’t know that book. Will look it up. Take care.
Gary
February 18, 2024It is great to have you back with the Kitchen Musician. It was very powerful with your poignant song and what you wrote as well. I just recently listened to your cd Peace on Peabody Hill and thought back to the beautiful music you played at Phylis memorial service. You are a powerful agent of change and deep consideration. Continue your great work regarding important issues such as depression where you have been so articulate
Tom
February 18, 2024Thank you for your kind comment Gary. Glad you like that DIY project, “Peace on Peabody Hill”. Seems like a lifetime ago that I made that. I am sure Phyllis’ absence still leaves a deep hole in your heart. Thanks for the encouragement to keep making music.
Elaine
February 18, 2024Tom,
I have no words . Imagine that!
Consider this my Sunday church time, much to think about here.
Thank you 🙏🏽
Elaine
Tom
February 18, 2024Hello Elaine. I don’t think of myself as a preacher, I guess it all works if it gives you much to think about. I hope all is well with you.
Tom
Peter Fischman
February 19, 2024Once again you show that you are a good carpenter of songs. You hit the nail on the head every time. That David Brooks video should be required viewing.
Tom
February 19, 2024Thanks for the kind comment, and deep listening, Peter. I agree abut the David Brooks interview. Very moving.